the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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