eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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