did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
