You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
