I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
