I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
