Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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