Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Randomize
