i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
