do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
