we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
