I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
