Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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