He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
