i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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