You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
