but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
