my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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