dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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