got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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