So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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