Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
