sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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