I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
