apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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