oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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