4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
