I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
