Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
