Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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