"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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