Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Someone signed my nipple.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
