did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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