i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
