I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize