This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
