omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
