Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
