I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
