I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
