Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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