I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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