two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
