could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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