the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
