he told me I talked like a deaf person
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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