My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
