Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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