Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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