I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
