Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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