why didn't you poke me back
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
