Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
