I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
