I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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