Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
