just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
