who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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