if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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