I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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