I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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