I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
