You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
