ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
