Kiss
Puke
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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