I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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