How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
