She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
