wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
