420 ftw
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
